I finished reading part one of The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching this afternoon. This section was focused on the four noble truths. While reading about the four noble truths this time it become more clear to me than ever before how interdependent they are with each other and with the rest of the teachings of Buddhism.
As I was trail running yesterday I was struck by how Thay described the realization stage of the Second Noble Truth as "when I am hungry, I eat. When I tired, I sleep." As I was running I noticed that my breathing was happening effortlessly. Although I was running quite quickly this time my breathing was not labored as usual, but quite slow and easy. I remembered that my father has given me the advice to eat when I was hungry and sleep when I was tired for as long as I can remember. However, I never thought about it as being part of the dharma until that moment. It is clear to me that being aware of what your body needs--not just physical nourishment, but all kinds of nourishment--is no different than deep listening and right diligence. It's the stone falling effortlessly to the bottom of the pond, a river flowing to the ocean, or rain falling from the sky. This is also no different from the struggles I have been having with my graduate students. I have not been listening deeply enough to them in order to know what it is that they need. I have been trying so hard to do my job the best that I can that I missed the crucial step of deep listening and right diligence.
Thay's choice of using nirvana as the third dharma seal along with impermanence and interdependence (nonself) was also very interesting for me. I can see how touching nirvana becomes possible by living with acceptance and understanding of impermanence and nonself. I can also see how suffering arises from living without acceptance and understanding of impermanence and nonself. Thay's choice to use nirvana instead of suffering allows us to focus on the practice of touching our suffering without falling into the trap of seeing all things as suffering.
As the Rain Falls,
Sam
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Softening
Something has softened over the last few days. I don't know if it was caused by some wonderful conversations I had with my co workers, my own reflections, a few moments of being real with my students, a couple focused sits, a conversation with an old friend, or the stress of my students lessening a bit. My guess is that it was a combination of all of those things. Regardless, I feel more at peace with the current state of my job and life.
I had really gotten into a negative spiral of emotions that was holding me down. The power our emotions can have over us, and how they can affect is quite amazing. Once once negative seed is watered and manifests into our mind consciousness it becomes so much easier for other negative seeds to be watered and manifested. In fact, they are probably watered at the same time as the initial seed was and just took longer to manifest.
I have been reading little bits of Thay's book, Understanding Our Mind over the last couple of months. I finished the first section on Store Consciousness a few nights ago. I was struck by the last verse in that section which focuses on Great Mirror Wisdom, when our store consciousness reflects reality as it really is. That part caught my attention because a large part of my job is to be a mirror for my students. I am supposed to be able to help them reflect on their experiences by showing them what they did and by making their own thoughts and emotions more visible to them. That is a very difficult thing to do because all to often my students are caught in their emotions, as I am at times, and cannot see what actually happened. They sometimes think they did a perfect job and cannot accept hearing things that suggest otherwise. Other times they believe they did a bad job and cannot accept hearing that they did a good job.
So being a mirror of reality for my students is more than just reflecting what is. It requires knowing them at some deep level so I figure out how they need to hear things so that those observations are beneficial for them. I guess this doesn't differ all that much from the practice of Shinning Light. Sharing truth is of no use unless there is a situation and relationship already in place to facilitates truth being heard and accepted.
As the Rain Falls,
Sam
I had really gotten into a negative spiral of emotions that was holding me down. The power our emotions can have over us, and how they can affect is quite amazing. Once once negative seed is watered and manifests into our mind consciousness it becomes so much easier for other negative seeds to be watered and manifested. In fact, they are probably watered at the same time as the initial seed was and just took longer to manifest.
I have been reading little bits of Thay's book, Understanding Our Mind over the last couple of months. I finished the first section on Store Consciousness a few nights ago. I was struck by the last verse in that section which focuses on Great Mirror Wisdom, when our store consciousness reflects reality as it really is. That part caught my attention because a large part of my job is to be a mirror for my students. I am supposed to be able to help them reflect on their experiences by showing them what they did and by making their own thoughts and emotions more visible to them. That is a very difficult thing to do because all to often my students are caught in their emotions, as I am at times, and cannot see what actually happened. They sometimes think they did a perfect job and cannot accept hearing things that suggest otherwise. Other times they believe they did a bad job and cannot accept hearing that they did a good job.
So being a mirror of reality for my students is more than just reflecting what is. It requires knowing them at some deep level so I figure out how they need to hear things so that those observations are beneficial for them. I guess this doesn't differ all that much from the practice of Shinning Light. Sharing truth is of no use unless there is a situation and relationship already in place to facilitates truth being heard and accepted.
As the Rain Falls,
Sam
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Joyfully Together
While the books I chose to read and comment on first for my 14 mindfulness trainings studies have been in the mail I read Joyfully Together by Thich Nhat Hanh. There was particular significance for me in the story of how the Buddha told a horse trainer what he did when a monk or nun was unteachable. He told the horse trainer that he "killed" that particular monk on nun, which meant that they were asked to leave the Sangha. The point of this story was to illustrate how loving kindness is not always gentle.
I think that I have probably been too gentle with my students at times. I have let them take advantage of me and treat me rudely without rebuking them for that. I thought that I was being patient and compassionate towards them, but in reality I was probably injuring our relationship and their relationships with others as well as the community as a whole. I think I was afraid that the constructive criticism I could give them would not be done skillfully enough for them to learn from it. So, it comes down to an issue of me trusting myself.
There were many other sections of this book that provided clarity for me regarding my relationships with my students. The 17 points of reflection could not have better articulated many of the problems I have had with some of my students. It is clear that the first Sangha of the Buddha had the same issues as the community of teachers I am working with.
A couple of the practices mentioned in the book are very applicable to my students, such as Shinning Light and the Second Body system. I will be very careful about using the Shinning Light practice becasue I see that the time and the atmosphere must be right for that practice to be a positive experience. The Second Body system although seems to be something that I could begin to employ immediately.
As the rain falls,
Sam
I think that I have probably been too gentle with my students at times. I have let them take advantage of me and treat me rudely without rebuking them for that. I thought that I was being patient and compassionate towards them, but in reality I was probably injuring our relationship and their relationships with others as well as the community as a whole. I think I was afraid that the constructive criticism I could give them would not be done skillfully enough for them to learn from it. So, it comes down to an issue of me trusting myself.
There were many other sections of this book that provided clarity for me regarding my relationships with my students. The 17 points of reflection could not have better articulated many of the problems I have had with some of my students. It is clear that the first Sangha of the Buddha had the same issues as the community of teachers I am working with.
A couple of the practices mentioned in the book are very applicable to my students, such as Shinning Light and the Second Body system. I will be very careful about using the Shinning Light practice becasue I see that the time and the atmosphere must be right for that practice to be a positive experience. The Second Body system although seems to be something that I could begin to employ immediately.
As the rain falls,
Sam
The Scariest Thing
Upon reflecting more on my feelings regarding my job I realize that I am just not being present with my students. Sam is not really there. Rather, it is just someone who is stepping through the motions of figuring out logistics and getting things done. There is not really any passion or heart in what I have been doing. I have been so preoccupied with making sure that everything gets done, that I have neglected the most important aspect of my job--the people aspect. And in doing so I have neglected Sam.
When I ask myself why I have found myself in this situation there is only one answer that rings loud and clear from within me: fear. I am afraid that if I open myself up to hear what my students are really feeling I will inevitably expose my own true feelings to them, which at this point are not very favorable. I also fear that they will reject me as a mentor and become hostile as they have in the past during the year. So I have resorted to silence to protect myself. However, it is clear that there is no protection found in silence, only suffering.
The answer to this predicament then is real, open, honest dialogue. I still struggle though with how it initiate this from the place I am in now. I feel as though I have dug a deep hole for myself that I need a tall latter to get out of. So what's the first rung? I know that it is my responsibility to initiate this needed conversation, but how do I do so without jeopardizing an already tenuous mentoring relationship I have with my students? Do I start by just telling them my fear?
Perhaps the first rung of the latter has already been climbed since I am aware of this.
As the rain falls,
Sam
When I ask myself why I have found myself in this situation there is only one answer that rings loud and clear from within me: fear. I am afraid that if I open myself up to hear what my students are really feeling I will inevitably expose my own true feelings to them, which at this point are not very favorable. I also fear that they will reject me as a mentor and become hostile as they have in the past during the year. So I have resorted to silence to protect myself. However, it is clear that there is no protection found in silence, only suffering.
The answer to this predicament then is real, open, honest dialogue. I still struggle though with how it initiate this from the place I am in now. I feel as though I have dug a deep hole for myself that I need a tall latter to get out of. So what's the first rung? I know that it is my responsibility to initiate this needed conversation, but how do I do so without jeopardizing an already tenuous mentoring relationship I have with my students? Do I start by just telling them my fear?
Perhaps the first rung of the latter has already been climbed since I am aware of this.
As the rain falls,
Sam
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